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Thursday, November 10, 2005

Well, here I am blogging again. I haven't posted in this thing for nearly half a year. I'm single. I'll bring it out simply like that. I'm not happy being alone, but I'm happier than I would have been stuck in that dead-end relationship.

My ex, simply put, was the dumbest person I have ever met. I often felt like I was talking to a five year old child because she never grasped any language that wasn't completely direct and blunt. Even a simple metaphor would go miles over her head. Of course, she was a really nice person and she really did change my life for the better, but a lot of my memories of the relationship are bitter.

I pretty much paid all the time. Even during the first few months of our relationship, before I got my job at the theater and she had a job, I was paying all the time. And I never really thought about it at the time, but that was really fucking unfair. I was spending all of my cash on her, so I was completely unable to save up for anything. It wasn't until maybe July or so that I began to realize there was something wrong with this. I was automatically pulling out my wallet and credit card to pay for everything we did. It had become an automatic and expected response. I tried a couple of times to stand there and not make a move for my credit card, to see if she got the clue that I didn't like paying for everything. Either she had no idea what was going on or she knew exactly what I was trying to say, because all she'd do is say "Hi" and hug me and kiss me. She might have sensed something was wrong but didn't exactly know what.

I've asked a lot of my friends and the majority of them seem to think that guys should pay for everything because it's tradition and they want girls to enjoy themselves. I think it's sexist and demeaning and propagates a culture of male dominance where women are relegated to the kitchen and the bedroom. Most girls seem to be comfortable with paying their share, moreso than guys are with letting them. I don't really want to split evenly... I think I would prefer paying for a majority of the dates, something along the lines of two-thirds, but not exactly. I would prefer paying more than half to less than half. But I really can't stand paying everything.

I guess that'd be one of the reasons we're not dating anymore. She's dating this other guy now, because he "Compliments her more." Whatever that means. I'm pretty sure she was cheating on me, because they were sending each other loving comments even before she and I broke up, and they supposedly started dating two days after we broke up... and this is with a girl who claimed she wanted a "Break from guys."

I sometimes read their Myspace comments, and maybe I really did dodge a bullet. All they seem to say to each other is call each other vomit-inducing pet names like "wuvable huggy bear" and "baby" and I could never really do that, and I know she wanted me to. Plus, he's really ugly. I kind of wish she went for some hot model guy, one of those guys that a girl with her looks could get, so I could accept my looks weren't good enough, but when she goes for a guy who could get onto Uglypeople.com, that confuses me as to where I stand on the scale of looks.

There were several points where I had warning signs about her flaws. The first was our first meeting. OUr conversation, summarized I suppose.

We were talking about singing and stuff

Me: Are you a good singer?
Her: No, I guess I'm ok.
Me: You're just being modest.
Her: I don't know what that word means!"
Me: (thinking: How can I ever date someone this stupid?) Said: Well... it means you're better than you say you are.
Her: Oh, no, I'm not very good.

So yeah. She was 17. Fucking 17... and she had NO IDEA what the word modest meant. That's one of those words that's so simple that it's hard to explain. For a while, I thought maybe I grew up in an intellectual household, and that her lack of intellect was normal.

At one level, her not knowing a really simple word the first time I met her was a sign against our success as a couple, but I ignored that and we went on to have a mostly sucecssful relationship.

However, in June she did something that made me contemplate breaking up with her. She had applied for a job at Starbucks and used me as a professional reference. She didn't tell me until she had already turned it in, and then acted like it was no big deal. I was understandably (well I think it was understandably) outraged and I lectured her and talked to her about it, but she still acted like it was no big deal. But it was. She used my name and phone number and claimed that she babysat my kids. She said "It's ok, they'll never call." but that still didn't justify her breach of trust. After that, I could never tolerate her complaining about her job because she brought it on herself through her dishonesty. And I was so tired of her acting innocent. God.

We had sex. It was great. I'm not going to deny that... It was everything I had been told to expect and more. But soon after the relationship began to struggle, and I was talking (platonically) to another girl that was interesting me but I knew I could not go for.

But she began to make it more difficult for me to see her. She always could concoct some excuse about stress or work or being tired and it came to a point where I hadn't seen her in more than a week. At that point, I thought about breaking up with her and going for this other girl, who in every logical sense, would have been a better match for me. She was smarter, I had more in common with her, and her family and mine would have had more in common.

Here's the thing about my ex... she NEVER let me meet her parents. THe only times I ever saw them were by accident. I was in her house once over the nine months.

The other girl and I had talked about relationships and family and she had said she always let her parents meet her boyfriends...

Of course, my ex's worst thing was a few days after I hadn't seen her for more than a week. My family had gone to the beach boardwalk on Friday early and had to leave earlier than they would like because I was going to see a movie with my ex. I called her from my cell and it rang upwards of 20 times then hung up on its own. I called her about three times and it did the same thing. I decided to drive a note to her house and tell her I had called... and then I called her again on the way to her house and finally she picked up. The first thing she said was that she couldn't go out tonight. Too tired. Apparently she couldn't find the "Flash" button on her phone and she was helping a friend with her problems so she couldn't talk to me. And friend turned to accquiantance (Big word for her!) and that was just stupid. She couldn't talk to her boyfriend of 7 and a half months because her "accquitance" had "issues."

:-/

I drove all the way to her house and offered her the note I had written as a romantic gesture. She refused. She didn't let me come in or visit or anything. I drove back home, annoyed.

At that point, I had a legitmate reason for breaking up with her, and going for another girl who I was pretty sure liked me... but I didn't. I stuck with the failing relationship and then we broke up a month and a half later.

She wants a boy to call her sickengly cute pet names. I couldn't provide her with that without vomiting. If she wants to date a fat ugly failure with no future or talent or drive who used to allegdly "Creep her out" that is her choice. I hope I can find someone. I prefer her to be smart.

My ex didn't know what a wireless card was, confused Karl Marx with Dave Barry and Tolkien. Not that I like Marx.

And she confused C.S. Lewis with CSI. She was so stuck in the last few years it was disturbing... she called a month "Forever ago." I need someone SMART.

God... anyway. Yes. I know I have one reader today.

2 Comments:

  • You should put Word Verification on. It'll get rid of your spammers.

    Yeah, we already discussed this, but I wanted to leave a comment anyway. Go for the smart one!! :)

    By Blogger Wren, at 1:31 PM  

  • Thanks Brad Douglas.

    By Blogger Jesse Radin, at 5:01 PM  

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